pa416

uncontrolled and pacing and pulling
tugging down at my hair
hanging over my face and around my ears
and down my neck and my twitchy hands
just pull and pull and wring themselves and
press against my cheeks

hot and flushed cheeks, wet with tears
and throbbing with heat, searing heat
and pulsing pressing trapped

my lungs lost in my gut and there is
never
enough air to breathe
oh my squeaky gasping
perversely rhythmic unfulfilling
grasping, reaching with my hands like i can
squeeze or massage or even just control breath
breath that won't come
it won't come

crippling, shrinking, collapsing
suffocating as the walls press in
pressing in pressing in
whimpering, trembling, shaking
with no control.
no control.
every choice wrong, every movement wrong

weeping and gnashing of teeth
lamentation of lamentations
a soul on fire and dying
a soul that needs to breathe.