4.19.2005

till death do us part?

Gay marriage.

I don't any graceful way to introduce the issue. So there it is. Two words. Gay Marriage. For a class of mine, I had to read the book Gay Marriage: Why it is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America by Jonathan Rauch. In his book, he attempts to make the case that gay marriage is not a threat to the "institution of marriage," but rather will help stabalize it. He clings tightly to the point that denying gays the right to marriage is in effect encouraging "marriage-lite," referring to cohabitation and domestic partnerships where some of the benefits of marriage can be experienced without the same level of committment. And he feels that these "marriage-lite" conditions, if they are offered to gays, would necessarily be offered to straight people as well. That is to say, by denying gays the right to marry, we are opening up the door to all sorts of non-marriage partnerships that, he believes, are detrimental to society. I am doing a horrible job of representing a very well-written and well-thought out book. I would encourage you all to read this book, no matter what side of the issue you are on. Also, here is a transcript of interviews with Rauch, if you're interested in learning more about him.

For this same class, we watched the documentary Tying the Knot. From the official website for the film:

When a bank robber's bullet ends the life of police officer Lois Marrero, her wife of thirteen years, Mickie, is honored as her surviving spouse but denied all pension benefits. When Sam, an Oklahoma rancher, loses his beloved husband of 22 years, long-estranged cousins of his late spouse try to lay claim to everything Sam has. As Mickie and Sam's lives are put on trial, they are forced to confront the tragic reality that in the eyes of the law their marriages mean nothing. From an historical trip to the Middle Ages, to gay hippies storming the Manhattan marriage bureau in 1971, TYING THE KNOT digs deeply into the past and present to uncover the meaning of civil marriage in America today
.

I had already watched it once before class -- I was in a film group that presented the movie to the class -- and the first time I watched it, I felt frustrated. I felt like there were bigger issues in the world that our government should be worrying about, and that gay marriage really is a non-issues compared with the warring in the Middle East, the AIDS crisis in Africa, world hunger, poverty both in and out of the USA...But when I watched it today, I was not only moved by the tragedy of the two stories, but I was driven to tears watching footage of Christian protesters outside of the courthouse in Massachusettes when the state was about to legalize gay marriage. I got so sad and angry at their hate. They were being so harsh, mean, and unloving. And it made me so upset that those people get to publically "represent" Christianity. There are some people for whom this face of Christianity is the only face they have ever seen. I don't understand how people can be so convicted that they forget what Christian love is all about; when they focus so hard on an issue that they lose sight of the greater message of Christianity.

On a personal note...I have been truly struggling with both the issue of the morality of homosexuality and the issue of gay marriage. Rauch's book gave me a safe space to think about the issues independently. My gut feeling is to affirm homosexuality (ugh...can I sound any more awkward? I don't know how to phrase things correctly. I want to be sensitive and authentic, but I just sound clunky.), but I am waiting for my theology to fully catch up. I am struggling. I want to believe that it is right, but I am not there yet. At the same time, both the book and the movie really solidified for me my conviction that gay marriage should be legal. And Rauch allows me the space to believe in gay marriage even if I am undecided about the issue of homosexuality itself. That is really important to me.

So there are my struggles right now. Read the book. Watch the movie. Whether or not you agree, whether or not they affect what you believe, I feel convinced that your life will be changed by them on some level.

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