I'm working on my next set of essays in the ordination process, and I thought that it might be good for me to share them with you, so that you can understand a bit more about me and my call!
1. Call to Ministry
a. Reflect theologically on your vocation as it is grounded in baptism, in contexts such as family, confirmation, friendships, work settings, school, and community.
My entire life is lived within the context of my being “sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever.” Even though I was not baptized in a Lutheran church, I understand myself as a person baptized into this understanding of God’s gracious hold on my life. Because of this, all of the work that I do in this life is touched by my identity as a child of God. This identity is not limited to those of us who feel called to ministry. I look at my father – a police officer – and see in him a peace and a compassion that makes evident God’s presence in his life and his work. My mother’s life and vocation are marked by loving her neighbor, especially the love that she shows to immigrant and low-income children in her music classes. I see in my parents evidence that faith and vocation are linked. I am grounded in the faith and support of my family, as well as the encouragement of my pastor and the support of my church.
Seminary helped me to solidify my faith not just as a piece of my vocation, but as my vocation itself. I entered seminary knowing that I felt called to share with the world a God who is both faithful and everlasting. My entrance essay was grounded in Isaiah 40's proclamation that "the Lord is the everlasting God." Since then, I have felt an important refinement of my vocational understanding. I took a class on Paul Tillich's theology in which I gained a deeper sense of the existential brokenness of the world and of human existence due to the powers of sin and death. From there I found a new understanding of God's grace through the hope of the resurrection in my reading of N.T. Wright, who sees resurrection as the ushering in of the new creation - the beginning of God's kingdom reigning on earth. Both of these theologies played themselves out in my experience working with the Lutheran Office of Governmental Ministry in Trenton. Working on social justice issues - fair housing, hunger, education, and especially immigration - opened my eyes to a world indeed broken by sin, and a world in need of grace and hope. I freely admit that my gifts and talents are not those required to be a full-time governmental advocate. At the same time, however, I came to see that the word of grace that I must preach and the life-giving sacraments that I must bestow provide a real communication of God's presence in a world that is often dark or fearful. As a pastor, I am called to counter suffering with God's promise of salvation.
CPE further solidified this for me. I spent time with people who were in the midst of physical and emotional suffering. I was allowed into people's vulnerability and invited into their grief. By the end of the summer, it was clear to me that I feel called to preach a Christ who came to earth and became present in our human existence, who met and meets us where we are, who knows the depth of human suffering - a Christ who is present to us in both word and sacrament for the sake of our righteousness, hope, liberation, and salvation.
b. State your understanding of the church’s leadership needs and the contribution of the form of ministry in which you seek to serve: ordained, consecrated, or commissioned. What gifts will enable you to serve in this particular ministry? What challenges or excites you about your sense of call?
The church needs leaders who have arisen from within the church body, who are dedicated to creating a safe and faithful community for worship and for faith formation. All baptized members of the church have been given the status "worker with us in the kingdom of God," and part of the responsibility of church leadership is to recognize the gifts and talents of those in the church so as to empower them to serve both within the church and without in the name of Christ. An important contribution of ordained ministers to the church is their visible commitment to the life and work of the church as the body of Christ. In this way ordained ministers serve as a visible reminder of God's justifying grace and can serve as a symbols of the steadfastness of faith even in the midst of sin or suffering. By preaching the word and administering the sacraments, ordained ministers have the responsibility to offer the good news of God's saving work in Christ to all who believe and to all who may yet believe. Ordained ministers are called to work for justice and peace, to address suffering, and to offer hope to all those in need. Seminary education contributes to ordained leaders who are grounded in the Biblical witness and trained for the particulars of ministry in order that they may lead with both personal and theological integrity. Ordained ministers take upon themselves the title "pastor," and as such, they are called to lead the church by shepherding and caring for it, using their gifts, talents, and education in humility and service.
I feel that I have gifts in worship, both planning and executing. I enjoy preaching and feel comfortable leading the liturgy. From a theological standpoint, how we worship reflects how we think about and relate to God, and the ministry of word and sacrament to which I hope to be ordained is explicitly reflected in the form and content of Lutheran worship. I also believe that I have gifts in compassion and care of others, CPE being incredibly important in helping me to understand pastoral care not just as a ministry of words, but also as a ministry of presence. I also believe that I am self-aware and always seeking my own personal and spiritual growth, and I will be a better pastor because of this.
I feel called to communicate the healing grace of God to a hurting world, and part of this call means that I often feel frustrated by inter and intra-denominational debates that eclipse the our greater call to go into all the world. I love theology and I love learning about the doctrines of different churches. But at the same time, my call leaves me constantly asking the question “Is this what’s truly important?” I will be challenged as a pastor to engage with those who disagree with me theologically, especially if the disagreements turn into arguments. I will also be challenged to find a way to relate theological debate to the broader goal of spreading God’s love into the world. One of my goals in CPE was to begin the process of learning how to better integrate my head and heart – integrating heady theology and heartfelt faith. I believe that this will continue to be a challenge for me, especially as I transition away from the seminary atmosphere and into the church.
c. God gives the gift of ministry to the whole church. What does this mean to you? What is your relationship with others in the church?
If the church truly is the body of Christ, then we have to also think in terms of the “one body with many members.” The gift of and call to ministry is made evident at the end of every worship service when we take up the imperative to go in peace and serve the Lord. Part of being a minister is to discern and encourage the use of the gifts of those in my congregation. There are gifts of teaching, of music, of relating to youth, of writing, of sewing, of baking, of organization, of financial expertise – all of these gifts and many more are crucial to the life of the church. The ministry of the church is to be the body of Christ for the world. As a pastor, I am theologically trained and called to be a leader of the church in word and sacrament. This does not give me the corner on ministry! Part of my “leading” needs to be helping others to see and value their own gifts, talents, and passions as ways that they can spread the message of God’s love in the world. We are all workers in the kingdom of God, as I mentioned earlier, and so I am in relationship with others in the church within that framework. Ordination happens from within the church body – I am a fellow worker in the kingdom of God with all believers, and I am fulfilling my own call by seeking ordination in word and sacrament ministry, but this does not mean that the vocations and callings of other members are less valid for ministering in the church and in the world.
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