Open letters

Dear woman in the parking lot by Red Mango,

I apologize for staring at you earlier this week. But I couldn't help it. The scene was bad enough when you alone got out of the car: you, a woman in her forties, with giant and obviously collagen-ed lips, nose ring, heavy makeup, a tiny mini-skirt, an even tinier and tighter animal print midriff-baring shirt, strappy heels, a rainbow colored sequined hobo bag, and teeny tiny chihuahua puppy tucked under your arm. But what made it worse? Your two preteen daughters who got out of the car with you (wearing nice, conservative clothes and looking generally wonderful and innocent). They don't deserve the embarrassment, but more than that, they don't need you to teach them that sex sells, that the way to be relevant as an adult is to pretend you are an adolescent, or that self-worth comes only through exaggerated and misplaced ideals about human beauty. I didn't mean to stare, but the whole picture simply disgusted me.

Sincerely,
Melissa

P.S. A similar plea goes out to the woman with two small children who was crossing the street in front of me yesterday: mini-skirts, shrunken t-shirts, and strappy heels are not appropriate mom-wear at any point in time, but especially when you are walking around with your kids. Have some self-respect!

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Dear pack of teenage girls AND mom with three kids,

Both Sesame Street and your grandma taught you that when you walk down the road, you stay to the right so that people have room to walk past you. Please recall these childhood lessons and put them to practice. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Melissa

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Dear businessman at Caribou,

I appreciate that you consider yourself more important than everyone else in the world (or at least at this particular coffee shop), but there are only two tables in here that seat more than two people. You have taken up one of those tables (a six-person table!) all by yourself, because you need room to spread out your computer and your paperwork, while still having space to lay out your computer bag on the table. Unfortunately, because of you, the group of three young men who came in, hoping to sit together, had to shuffle tables and chairs around and squish to fit around a two-person table. And you can't pretend you didn't see them - they are RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. And did you offer to move or even offer up a chair from your table? Not a chance. I'll bet that you're the guy who also refuses to give up his seat to seniors and pregnant women on the bus. But maybe I'm wrong.

Sincerely,
Melissa

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Dear woman waiting for her coffee,

I'm sorry, I didn't know that people still existed who blow into public spaces on their cell phones and shout into their bluetooth devices so that the whole place can hear the conversation. I thought that enough people have publicly complained about the phenomenon to mostly eradicate the problem. Perhaps you didn't get the memo?

Sincerely,
Melissa