Back at it - 1.84 miles

Ok, I have to be honest.

I am feeling horribly fat and lazy these days. Well really, just in the last two or three days. It's like I turned some strange corner where all of the sudden none of my clothes looked good on me anymore and I realized that I had far more hips than I thought I did, and I've honestly been in a pretty serious funk because of it (well, amongst other things).

Today, despite the fact that it's been rainy and gross all day, despite the fact that it was dark when I got home (thank you very much, Daylight Savings Time), despite the fact that I was anxious about whether I'd feel good or gross on a first run back post-surgery (and a first run since, what, March??), I finally hit the end of my rope and decided to go for a run this evening.

In the past few weeks, I have felt lonely and tired, and sort of like the walls are closing in around me, especially at work. Nothing specific going on that I could put my finger on to have caused these feelings, but they are definitely feelings that make you feel like you're constantly breathing stale, stuffed up air.

So today, the ONLY thing I wanted to do this afternoon was get my body out in the chilly, wet air, and to let myself feel the goosebumps on my arms and the wind on my face. I wanted to get moving, as if doing so would somehow be a way to thumb my nose at all the insecurities and anxieties that have been keeping me down.

It was a short run compared to other runs that I've done, but a pretty decent run for a first run in more than six months: 1.84 miles. And let me tell you...

...IT FELT GOOD.