Four months

So here we are.

We've been living here in Iowa for four months.
We've been living in a small town for four months.
I've been at First Lutheran for four months.
We've owned a house for three and a half months.

Also...it's time to out myself as four-plus months pregnant (19 weeks)! Which is a huge surprise and joy and blessing. It has been an incredibly long, difficult journey to get here. Time and grief and doctors and loss and needles and so many expectations. There are probably plenty of words to be written about all of this at some other time.

Put all of this together, and you'll rightly conclude that these last four months have been a huge time of transition. Lots of life changes all at once. Lots of uncharted territory; lots of new. Lots of stuff up in the air all at once.

When I announced my departure from St. Timothy, I remember thinking to myself "The next few months are going to be chaos, and all I have to do is get to the other side of it." And between organizing a graceful and responsible departure, packing up an apartment, house-hunting, saying goodbyes, and fussing with paperwork for this new call, there was definitely a huge whirlwind of chaos that took place. I held on for the ride. I looked with hope to the far side, where I would be settled.

And so, in many ways, here we are. Settled, whatever that means. We have a house and all of our stuff is here. I have daily routines. I have favorite restaurants. I have responsibilities and projects at church. I have a doctor. I have entertained house guests.

But I sort of forget that being settled and feeling settled are different things. Patterns are surfacing. But I'm still learning how to be a part of this congregation and this town and this community. I am playing the part, but it doesn't feel like me yet.

And this is when I remember that four months isn't very much time. It's time enough to learn a lot. And to know a lot. Now I just need to settle into my own skin.

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