the johnson girls...

sometimes the reason that i feel sad being so far away from the midwest is because the physical distance only adds to the reasons that i feel as if i'm growing apart from my sisters at the same time as they are growing closer and closer to each other.

i'm older than they are, out of college, and married. so i sometimes get scared that they already assume that they can't relate to me or i to them. but...i'm not that far out of college. and, well, i'm still a resident student, which isn't quite college, but has its distinct similarities. they both have serious boyfriends...i happened to have already married mine...but they still have all of the good dating stories to share with each other...they're in a similar place there. (though matt and steph can't be that far away from engagement. seriously. they've been together for, like, 6 years.)

but in addition to all of those other reasons that they have more in common with each other and less in common with me, i think that distance is a factor. steph and beth are only three hours away from each other, and steph has a car. also, they are both within 6 hours of chicago, which means that when one comes home, there's a good chance that the other does, too. i'm far away, and it's expensive to fly, and now that i'm married, going to chicago usually means flying TWO of us to chicago, which is doubly expensive...so distance makes it even harder to feel close to my sisters.

i wish that i could hang out with them more, and i wish that i could feel more like a person that they want to hang out with instead of a nice, but out-of-the-loop older sister. sometimes i get scared that they simply think i'm uncool (for what it's worth, both of my sisters are incredibly cool people, and stylish, and...well...i'm sort of a geek. and not so stylish.), or that they think that i've changed now that i'm "an adult." i guess to the outside, being married and having moved out of my parents house (since it's not like i'm ever moving back home again now that i'm married) are indicators that one is an adult. but from the inside? i still feel like i'm dating matt, except that we get to live together. i feel like our apartment is home, but you've all seen how much i get homesick for my hometown and for my family.

i love my sisters and i miss them terribly. and i get sad when i feel like an outsider around them, even though it's not intentional. it's all part of growing up and letting life take you where it will. i just wish life hadn't taken me quite so far away...